trying to catch up.. but ITS ALL GOOD!

feels like its been a while since we have gotten to catch up on things here in our blog.. so we are happy to be taking this time to do that.. but ITS ALL GOOD!

we do have a few things to share.. one is we had a "meeting" last friday with our case manager, t, and community support provider.. we were so scared and nervous about going to.. seems we are always a bit scared about these meetings.. you know.. something we seem to notice is when they are done and over with.. we come out of them feeling.. "well, that wasnt so bad or so hard.." and "we did it!" we still tend to wonder why it is we get so scared about them.. we feel the others in these meetings are so much more over us.. we picture as if they are leaning over us with their fingers pointing down at us.. and we are so tiny and afraid.. feeling as if we have done something wrong to be punished for.. but after the meeting is over.. we are able to stand up and see.. WE ARE OK.. WE DID NOTHING WRONG AT ALL.. and WE ARE SAFE.. whats so cool about this last "meeting" is that we are no longer going to call it a "meeting".. we realize that word is another reason that makes it scary for us.. so we have changed the name for it.. its like PCI.. something.. cant remember the rest.. but anyway.. it helps us feel better about it..

things have been going well in t sessions.. we are working hard and things are moving along.. accomplishing things we need to.. and when we need to take a step back we have been reassured that its ok to.. but so far things are going well.. which really helps us within and out.. small things come up now and then and we do our best to work on them and move on.. we are very grateful for our t and the time and effort she puts into helping us.. and also all the encouragement she gives us.. as well as our community support provider..

we would also like to share something WONDERFUL with everyone this week but also that is need lots of tiny prayers about.. its regarding our sweet little neice Hannah..

we are just going to post the updates on her.. starting with mondays - wednesdays updates.. and as it looks like my oldest sister will be needing some of those tiny little prayers also.. heres the updates..

Monday - May 26th - Update.. (this is shared from my sisters writings she keeps about little Hannah)

Hannah is doing well. She's still got congestion from what appears to be a cold, but is hanging in there. She had a good day today. Today was Joan's last official day. She is planning on being at the hospital with us tomorrow. She was in good spirits, eager for the outcome of the next few days.

Please keep us all in your prayers. This week will be exciting, uncertain and trying. We will arrive at the hospital tomorrow morning @ 8am, surgery is at 9am, then to ICU. I will update the everyone as soon as I can tomorrow.

Tuesday - May 27 - Update..

Hannah is in PICU recovering from surgery now. She had the granuloma removed. The doctor said it was taking up approximately 1/3 of her airway. He removed the granuloma by going through her trach site (stoma). He had to c-t open (extend) her stoma slightly to get in there and do what he needed to do. There is some bl--d coming out of her trach right now but that should slow down soon.

She is currently in daddy's arms rocking in a rocking chair while sleeping. We have capped her trach and she's breathing on her own. We'll let you know how she is doing.

Other news....mommy fell down the stairs this morning right before we left for the hospital. I am about to leave to get some xrays of my arm....I promise, I'm not trying to steal Hannah's glory.

May 28th - Update..

Well, Hannah did really well overnight. She woke up every hour or so..probably due to pain or discomfort from the incision. Otherwise, she was good. Then, first thing this morning, the doctor came in and took her trach tube out. He did it in the room (I wasn't here, but Tim was) and it was rather anti-climactic! Anyway, she's been without it since 7am and seems to be doing fine. Her stoma (trach site) is covered with gauze and tape. The hole will close on it's own within a few days.

We have to stay here in ICU so the doctors and nurses can monitor her around the clock to make sure she's breathing ok. The doctor is looking for two things: her effort level to breath (retracting or pulling) and her ability to manage her secretions (cough up mucus on her own to clear her airway). So, hopefully just another 24 hours here and then we're released to go home with a healthy, trach-free toddler!

I couldn't imagine today.....I have no idea what tomorrow will be like or the next. But man...I am just excited! One day at a time....give us this day our daily bread. Thank you Jesus!

Oh, and one more thing...no broken bones. Just a sprained arm and finger. The little toe may be broken but he doesn't know for sure. He said if it heals in two weeks it's a sprain...if it heals in four weeks it's a break : ) gotta love doctors. Me? I'm walking funny and have a few bruises, but am doing fine.

we want to ask anyone who is willing to please whisper a few little tiny prayers for them.. we know the whole family right now could use them.. we miss our sister and her family an awful lot right now.. and to hear our sister fell.. yikes.. thought we were the clutz in the family!

we will be sending an email off to them tonight or tomorrow to let them know we are keep them in our thoughts and prayers and that we are asking others to say a few tiny prayers for them as well..

when our sister said..

"I couldn't imagine today.....I have no idea what tomorrow will be like or the next. But man...I am just excited! One day at a time....give us this day our daily bread. Thank you Jesus!"

we couldnt of put that any better at all.. its so true.. none of us have no idea what tomorrow may bring for us.. we have no idea what the day will be like when we wake up each day.. if we can learn to cherish each moment.. each day.. oh what a life we can lead.. and be grateful for.. and others will see that shining through you and want it for themselves..

isnt it great how much we learn from others when we are willing to learn.. willing to listen.. willing to open our hearts up and receive..

well.. thank you all for reading today.. please take care.. and know our thoughts are with each of you out there..

Ooops was about to close when we read update for our little hannah today that our sister wrote!!! here it is!!

Hannah is home and trach free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Yowee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

umm....can you tell I'm a tad bit excited?

oh thank you JESUS for answered prayers!!!!!! time for us to get off here an go some rejoying and HAPPY DANCING!!!!

Dreaming2Fly System is dreaming to soar HIGH today

aint feelin nothin

like know im suppose to be feelin somethin with our CSP worker leavin an this new one comin in. aint nothin there in me tho. juz like sorda nothin. i look out when they roun us an feel nothin bout them or them comin or goin. like maybe it really dont matter to me or they dont. eh dont know. am not sure i really care bout it. or if i should. peeps are peeps. they have their own lives that dont include us. like why should it matter to me what they do? they do it to benefit their lives not any of us? we are juz like the bushes on the side of the road that peeps drive past on their way to somewhere else in life. some peeps stop temporarily but all of them like all ways leave an move on. no one would EVER take a stupid BUSH with them. like who would? they are useless. an forever annoyin! besides like nothin ever remains in anyones life forever. ya know - i really dont think i like that word anyhow. FOREVER SUX!

jesse

sinkin

can feel me sinkin. tho aint wantin to yak much with peeps bout it. juz wantin to be left alone. sorda like i aint trustin much of what peeps say anyhow with all that goshie gooshie i care crap they throw out automatically. like their trained to always say that first to a peep. ya never know if its for real anymore or juz a toss of words. i for one juz cant trust that. eh kinda makes me actually ill when they do it. big turn off! bleh think im makin myself sick to my gut yakin bout all this junk.

laters

jesse

what is it with some peeps?

ya know thats like a major question to me. what is it with some peeps? for real? ok so we found out while we have our sessions here at the house with our t an stuff that our neighbor an this old lady that lives here at this place well they actually listen at our back door! like how sick is that? can we not have any privacy roun here? juz think that is creepy man an totally sick-o-la! am thinkin maybe they should juz have our t sessions from now on stead of us. looks like they must need it if they gotta listen to peeps talk to one. rounchy creeps! juz makes me angry peeps gotta be so inconsiderate an rude. even old peeps who like you think would know better cuz they even have lived longer. guess they aint got nothin better to do with their lives so they gotta ease drop in on other peeps lives. grrrrr! sickos!

jesse

Getting to Know Someone New

we are very slowly being introduced to someone new.. what happened was our case manager resigned.. so this new person took her place for now.. when our community support provider finishes up her EMDR classes and becomes a liscensed T she will be moving up to a T role and will no longer work with us as a CSP.. thats when our new case manager will start working with us as a community support provider.. lots of switching around for us.. one thing does stay the same is our T, C, will still remain our T.. shew!

as of now there is alot of talk about this new CSP working with us.. and different ways we can get use to her.. also talk about our recent CSP leaving us.. so things are just a little odd for us.. we know good will come out of this somehow.. we are still a little scared about it.. but sometimes change can be scary for anyone..

we are getting to know our new CSP through emails.. its a start.. then we will be planning to meet up with her and our current CSP and spend time with both of them so we both can get to know each other better in person.. she has never worked with a multiple before.. so this is all new to her.. even though we are nervous.. we are more than willing to help in what ever way we can..

of course all the kids care about is if she will play with them.. lol..

well.. sorry to end this so soon tonight.. i didnt think changing servers was such work.. but it is.. still have much to do.. hope all is well for all out there..

Peace, Love & Harmony

K

Beautiful Impressions

theres been many many times over the last several months that ive wanted to write about something - someone.. who has been on my heart.. in my thoughts and prayers.. many times ive started writing an email to.. a letter to.. or send a thinking of you gift to.. but then i get scared.. so one of my inner ones.. jamie.. mentioned to me about writing a letter on paper but not sending it.. just to get the words out i wanted to say.. so a week ago i did that.. it helped alot.. but i still think of this old friend we knew.. wishing she knew how i felt.. or at least wishing she knew she was in my thoughts and not forgotten..

there are so many people who come and go into our lives.. some we dont know long enough to get the chance to really find out much about them and their lives.. their are others we quickly find out that are not good for us to be around and that we have to shelter ourselves from in order to keep ourselves safe from harm.. then..... there are others.. who come into our lives like beautiful gardens.. that bring us such sunshine.. and inrich our lives with more than we could ever ask for.. the joy in conversations we share.. the understanding through the hard times.. the tears shared on both ends through happy and sad times.. and for both parties to know they had a shoulder to lean on helped so much..

then... something happens.. and its all lost.. communication starts to fail.. talking through computers is hard enough you cant hear the other persons tone, expressions and sometimes exactly how things are actually put and said.. distance in the friendship gets worse and worse.. making communication even harder.. so when you try to start communicating again theres some tension there.. disappointment.. hurt.. maybe even anger.. theres fighting.. disagreements.. then trying hard to start over and over when hurt is still there from words said earlier in disagreements..

i wish i had had the oppertunity to be there side by side with that friend.. and share with her.. how much i loved.. and still love her.. how much i wished i could of taken jesse's eraser she wrote about and erased all those times like that.. and that i wish she could of heard my voice speaking gently to her and not in a harsh tone all those times she thought i was speaking harsh.. upset or angry..

i would want her to know how much she was a true blessing in my life.. how much she taught me.. and how much i appreciated her every day.. how much i appreciated all the encouraging things she said to me.. how she stood by me.. and loved me when i couldnt love myself..

... and.. how much of a beautiful impression she has made not only in my life.. but in our entire systems lives..

ive made mistakes in my life.. im sure everyone has.. im not perfect.. im only human.. i can only ask forgiveness for those mistakes i make.. to stand back up again.. to do my best to learn from those mistakes.. and keep moving forward.. but to always pray for the help i and guidance i need in making not only our lives better but the lives that we come into contact with better too.. even if its with a good morning smile.. or a conversation about their day.. or offering to help them with something..

so.. this morning.. id like to wish all out there a good day.. or as my old friend taught me.. lets see if i can remember..

G' day mate!
in my thoughts.. (((((((((((((((((((((B)))))))))))))))))))

much love..

K

Restless Within Tonight

Hiya, Seems to be our System is quite restless within tonight. So I'm up making round about checks. Thought I'd stop in an drop a line while I was here. Never posted on this blog before, so I'll introduce myself. I'm Falcon. One of the Protector's with the Dreaming2Fly System. I work side-by-side with Jamie. Another Protector with our System. Though she's quite a bit more organized and structured than I am. I am not much of a socialable one, stay more to the background until called upon or when crisis times arise. Stick mainly to my duties within and help out where needed. We have several different Systems within so sometimes my duties call me to other Systems. My job is never boring, but takes a lot of time and patience. I am rather proud of how well each of our Systems have been holding out and working together. As of now, our System (Dreaming2Fly System) is the ones most actively working in T session's. They are doing well. As time moves on I will be looking forward to our other Systems hopefully getting involved as well. Step-by-Step though. It's all a process.

Closing up for tonight. Thanks for allowing me to introduce myself and have this chat with you. Over an out.

Falcon

wouldn it be cool?

wouldn it be cool if ya could juz erase any day ya wanted to. id have maybe lots of days id wanna erase. one of them would be yesterdays session with our t. yah. i didn like it at all what was talked bout. even if juz small details was given by one within. i still didn like it. kinda makes me feel real shaky an nervous. like i juz would rather pop out of existence instead of knowin any of it was even brought up. its not that i dont like trust our t or nothin like that. eh i dunno maybe its the rest of the peeps in the world an stuff i dont trust. an i aint the only one its stirred up inside. its got everyone goin haywire. everyone inside is freakin out. so what ya say? wouldn it be cool if we could juz erase any day we wanted to. aint talkin bout blockin them out tho. am talkin bout juz totally erasin them so they woulda never even happened. id say thats one dang heck of a awesome eraser! i'll take 2 of them an keep one for spare ya know juz in case. haha. ya never know who else might need one. whats that ya say? would ya like one?


go ahead - erase away!


jesse

1 year anniv. tomorrow

it will be 1 year tomorrow that we last saw our old t.. we cant believe how time has gone by like it has.. seems like just a few days ago that she left.. feels like it too.. still hurts.. the tears still flow.. we had been seeing her for almost (we think) 4 years.. we shared some really awesome moments with her.. great memories.. and alot of private issues.. discovered many skills we had and put them to use and deep within ourselves we found a friend on the outside who cared for us and "loved" us.. something that was quite odd to see from people in the work fields.. we can honestly tell you she was a honest to goodness true blessing to our lives..

the day we were told she was leaving and moving away we broke down and fell apart within.. we never wanted to hear those words.. so many different feelings came up for us.. we kept blaming ourselves.. like as if we weren't working hard enough in t sessions that she just wanted to move on and give up on us.. huge abandonment issues.. all we could do was cry and cry for days.. and weeks.. we pretended as hard as we could for others that "we were ok or we had it together", but in no possible way did we have it together at all.. but for that time wearing those mask was the only thing that kept us going and people away from bothering us and pestering us with tons of questions.. we just wanted to be left alone..

we were introduced to our new t before our old t had left.. our new t seemed nice and eager to work with us and get to know us.. we didn't know what to say at the time..

as time has gone by we have gotten to know our new t better.. shes really worked out quite well for us.. though we think of our old t every day and miss her.. we truly are thankful we had the chance of working with our old t for the years we did and the time she took reaching out to us, caring for us, showing her love for us and teaching us so much.. we are very grateful..

we are also truly grateful she asked such a sweet lady to step in and be our new t.. and to watch over us.. these 2 women have been such amazing people we have ever met.. they have taught us so much and been such a guidance for us..

of course there will always be hard times we may face.. but together we work through them... and move on.. but not without always learning something new along the way..

we hope our old t stops at least for a moment tomorrow and thinks of us.. we know we will be thinking of her..

as for our new t.. (smiles) we will be spending a little time together tomorrow to "celebrate" our old t's one year anniv.. we are not quite sure how we "celebrate" it.. but.. we will learn.. we are always open to learning new and better things..

Peace, Love & Harmony..

K n all

MARTHA!! AND STAY OUT!

YOU KEEP REPEATING OUR WORDS ARE JUST EXCUSES! OUR WORDS ARE NOT EXCUSES ONLY THE TRUTH! BUT OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING YOU CAN'T STAND TO HEAR BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT IN NOR HAVE NEVER BEEN IN THE POSITION WE LIVE IN. WHAT MORE IS THERE LEFT TO BE SAID TO ANYONE? WELL???? UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED DIRECTLY THE PATH WE HAVE WALKED AND IN OUR SHOES, DON'T ACT LIKE YOU "KNOW IT ALL" CAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW A GD THING!! WE DO WHAT "WE" KNOW IS BEST FOR US BECAUSE WE "KNOW US" BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE AND WE CAN PROTECT OURSELVES BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. PEOPLE IN LIFE FAIL TO PROTECT WAY TOO OFTEN THAT'S WHY WE CAN NEVER RELY ON PEOPLE FOR HONEST SAFETY. WE AT LEAST HA! THOUGHT WE COULD COME TO YOU AND ASK FOR HELP BY TAKING US TO THE LANDRY MAT SO WE COULD WASH OUR CLOTHES SINCE WE HAVE FELT THE SAFENESS WITH YOU AND SINCE YOU KNEW WHAT TO DO IN CASE ANYONE WITHIN CAME OUT OR ANY CRISIS CAME ABOUT. WE WERE FOOLS TO TRUST IN YOU! WE NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD COME TO A POINT WHERE OUR GROCERIES WOULD BE EFFECTED TOO! WITH AS MUCH SO CALLED "KNOWLEDGE" YOU HAVE REGARDING US AND OUR PAST AND HOW SENSITIVE WE ARE TO STRANGERS AND SETTINGS PLUS SURROUNDS IN STORES.

YOU KNOW - ITS ALL USELESS! YOU NEVER HAVE REALLY LISTENED. I FOR ONE NEVER REALLY FELT YOU CARED. JUST WAITED FOR THE OTHERS TO CATCH UP AND SEE THAT. I HOPE THEY GET A GOOD GLANCE NOW AND KEEP THE DOOR LOCKED AND WINDOWS SHUT AND DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE WHEN YOU CALL ANYMORE. CAUSE YOU KNOW, THIS REALLY WASN'T A PLEASURE!!!!

CHA!! CHA!! CHA!!

MARTHA!