For the Next 2 Weeks

we cant help but wonder how things will be for us for the next 2 weeks while our T is out of state on vacation.. things within are so mixed up and confusing for us right now.. with her leaving, it leaves us feeling sort of alone and scared and unsure..

it brings back feelings when our last T moved away.. we know our current T says she coming back but how do we know that for sure.. we feel like just closing our doors and locking them and staying deep inside till we know she is back.. yes we are pretty much scared stiff right now.. silly? yes.. but its how we feel..

yesterday we had lunch with our care provider, case manager and T to celebrate the bodys birthday.. it was the last day we would be getting to see our T before she left on vacation.. when it was time for us to say bye to her we didnt want to.. many were so sad inside.. i, myself, just wanted to cry.. but i didnt.. i held myself together so she wouldnt know.. i didnt want to seem like i couldnt handle it.. but yet i sit here now.. with tears in my eyes.. feeling so odd.. with overwhelming sadness and a deep aloneness filling up in me..

we have gotten to where we trust our new T.. and can talk to her.. and share with her private things in our lives that helps us overcome the battles we need to.. and for the next 2 weeks we will have to bottle those things up.. hiding our faces from the world so no one knows we are not ok right now.. it was ok to us for us to let our guard down with our T.. but we still have concern letting our guard down with others in the world..

if we could just remain asleep during the time she is gone it would pass by so much faster.. but we know we could not sleep for that long of a time.. what are we going to do? what do we do with this deep sadness? if only we didnt care so much it wouldnt hurt so bad.. if we could only shut off our feelings.. but we cant..

we feel lost.. just totally lost right now..

K n all