Because of You by Kelly Clarkson
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
this song by kelly clarkson is one i play and think of the mother only.. when i listen to it i get feelings of frustration, sadness, confusion and small amounts of anger..
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
the mother made alot of mistakes (not saying people dont make them).. but raising your child up with abuse is an awful big mistake (could add more to that but i wont).. the mother still to this day feels she never did anything wrong.. therefor she has never apologized for any of the times she raised her hand to us or the sisters.. or when she made us take of our pants and panties to get spanked with belts.. or when she choked us and while saying all kinds of cuss words spitting from her mouth in our face.. seems like all our life so far all we have wanted to hear were the words "I'm sorry" from the mother.. but i believe its something we will honestly never get to hear..
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
the mother was the one who we should have been able to look up to.. share things with.. talk to when there were bad days for us.. and receive love, hugs and comfort from.. but because of the constant abuse and hurt we received from her we feared her.. we learned to fear everyone.. we never knew when someone else would hurt us like she did.. we never could trust anything she told us.. or anything she was doing.. or sometimes when she left if she was even coming back.. we feared her every move.. if fears us to hear the voice of the mother even as an adult now.. and we do every day in our memories & flashbacks we suffer with.. fear is installed in us because of her..
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
while growing up she made it an issue to point out our every mistake.. our every accident.. to tease us.. mock us and constantly threaten us.. when there times we had felt like crying or showing emotion she walked away.. or would not listen.. even when we knew we were sinking into a pit of despair.. she turned her back and walked away and would not listen that we needed help.. if tears came she glared at us and got angry.. there were a few times when she slapped the face and said sharply "stop that" or "knock it off".. we learned crying was not allowed.. showing any type of emotion besides "happiness" and "im ok" was not allowed.. because of her..
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
though the birth mother for us is still living.. we feel in our hearts she died.. that the only chance we had for a loving, caring mother is gone and taken away from us.. we grieve hard over this.. while growing up the mother and step father fought a whole lot.. the mother often talked to us about their problems and looked to us (her daughters) to lean on for support.. for us it only brought confusion.. while one night sitting in the bathroom floor of the mothers she sobbed and sobbed talking about the step father and some huge dispute they had.. we were confused and just wanted them not to fight.. we found ourselves scared to get up and walk out of the room.. scared on what she might do.. not only to us.. but to herself.. or if she would leave in the car and never show back up again.. so we sat there with her while she just cried and talked.. we were much too young to be the ones to lean on.. but we ended up being the ones taking care of them instead of them taking care of us.. if only she would of taken the time to find out what was going on in our lives and had some interest in that part too.. then maybe we wouldnt be so messed up today.. because of her..
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
because of everything the mother has done to us we do try very hard to forget.. and forget everything.. but its like we cant.. we live the nightmares of our memories & flashbacks almost on a daily basis.. we isolate ourselves from most of the people in the world.. scared of being judged, criticized, hurt and abused more.. its painfully hard for us to allow people in our lives.. we have such walls built up around us.. doing something new.. going to new places.. meeting someone new is almost out of the question for us.. but we are working on trying to get better with this.. our life back then and today has never had many people in it.. too scared to reach out.. we often feel very alone but feel we are safer to be alone than possibly hurt again..
Dear Mother,
You taught us many things.. most of all those things was how to fear you and how to be ashamed of ourselves.. you've wanted us to lie all these years and believe in our hearts that what you did was right and that there was nothing wrong with it.. but what you did was very wrong.. it was down right abusive.. in many ways.. in many of the things you did.. and ive only ever mentioned a few.. we are proud and thankful we made sure that we did not follow in your abusive steps and ways.. nor will we ever.. we stand proudly against all abuse and will carry no more secrets.. for you or anyone else.. thank you for teaching us how to be aware of people.. we are sure it will come in handy when we are around others we do not know.. thank you for teaching us about judging.. we are glad we do not judge others as you have done us.. thank you for all your criticism you have given us.. it only helps show us that we are not as bad as everything you've told us we are in our past.. and thank you for everything else you've done.. you showed us that life can be hard when you have parents like you.. but when the right decisions are made to break off the ties that it can be much better.. only because of you dear mother..
Dreaming2Fly System
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
this song by kelly clarkson is one i play and think of the mother only.. when i listen to it i get feelings of frustration, sadness, confusion and small amounts of anger..
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
the mother made alot of mistakes (not saying people dont make them).. but raising your child up with abuse is an awful big mistake (could add more to that but i wont).. the mother still to this day feels she never did anything wrong.. therefor she has never apologized for any of the times she raised her hand to us or the sisters.. or when she made us take of our pants and panties to get spanked with belts.. or when she choked us and while saying all kinds of cuss words spitting from her mouth in our face.. seems like all our life so far all we have wanted to hear were the words "I'm sorry" from the mother.. but i believe its something we will honestly never get to hear..
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
the mother was the one who we should have been able to look up to.. share things with.. talk to when there were bad days for us.. and receive love, hugs and comfort from.. but because of the constant abuse and hurt we received from her we feared her.. we learned to fear everyone.. we never knew when someone else would hurt us like she did.. we never could trust anything she told us.. or anything she was doing.. or sometimes when she left if she was even coming back.. we feared her every move.. if fears us to hear the voice of the mother even as an adult now.. and we do every day in our memories & flashbacks we suffer with.. fear is installed in us because of her..
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
while growing up she made it an issue to point out our every mistake.. our every accident.. to tease us.. mock us and constantly threaten us.. when there times we had felt like crying or showing emotion she walked away.. or would not listen.. even when we knew we were sinking into a pit of despair.. she turned her back and walked away and would not listen that we needed help.. if tears came she glared at us and got angry.. there were a few times when she slapped the face and said sharply "stop that" or "knock it off".. we learned crying was not allowed.. showing any type of emotion besides "happiness" and "im ok" was not allowed.. because of her..
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
though the birth mother for us is still living.. we feel in our hearts she died.. that the only chance we had for a loving, caring mother is gone and taken away from us.. we grieve hard over this.. while growing up the mother and step father fought a whole lot.. the mother often talked to us about their problems and looked to us (her daughters) to lean on for support.. for us it only brought confusion.. while one night sitting in the bathroom floor of the mothers she sobbed and sobbed talking about the step father and some huge dispute they had.. we were confused and just wanted them not to fight.. we found ourselves scared to get up and walk out of the room.. scared on what she might do.. not only to us.. but to herself.. or if she would leave in the car and never show back up again.. so we sat there with her while she just cried and talked.. we were much too young to be the ones to lean on.. but we ended up being the ones taking care of them instead of them taking care of us.. if only she would of taken the time to find out what was going on in our lives and had some interest in that part too.. then maybe we wouldnt be so messed up today.. because of her..
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
because of everything the mother has done to us we do try very hard to forget.. and forget everything.. but its like we cant.. we live the nightmares of our memories & flashbacks almost on a daily basis.. we isolate ourselves from most of the people in the world.. scared of being judged, criticized, hurt and abused more.. its painfully hard for us to allow people in our lives.. we have such walls built up around us.. doing something new.. going to new places.. meeting someone new is almost out of the question for us.. but we are working on trying to get better with this.. our life back then and today has never had many people in it.. too scared to reach out.. we often feel very alone but feel we are safer to be alone than possibly hurt again..
Dear Mother,
You taught us many things.. most of all those things was how to fear you and how to be ashamed of ourselves.. you've wanted us to lie all these years and believe in our hearts that what you did was right and that there was nothing wrong with it.. but what you did was very wrong.. it was down right abusive.. in many ways.. in many of the things you did.. and ive only ever mentioned a few.. we are proud and thankful we made sure that we did not follow in your abusive steps and ways.. nor will we ever.. we stand proudly against all abuse and will carry no more secrets.. for you or anyone else.. thank you for teaching us how to be aware of people.. we are sure it will come in handy when we are around others we do not know.. thank you for teaching us about judging.. we are glad we do not judge others as you have done us.. thank you for all your criticism you have given us.. it only helps show us that we are not as bad as everything you've told us we are in our past.. and thank you for everything else you've done.. you showed us that life can be hard when you have parents like you.. but when the right decisions are made to break off the ties that it can be much better.. only because of you dear mother..
Dreaming2Fly System
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