Memories Coming to Surface

memories are starting to come to surface regarding the mother and i.. havent recovered all of this particular one yet but pieces of it.. in this one i seem to be around high school age.. we were driving to school in the morning.. we seem to of done it many times like this because the feeling in the memory was that i was sick of going through it.. sick of it happening over and over like it was.. tired of the life of saddness.. anyway.. we had been having some fight about something.. i was crying and upset and the mother was totally angry.. red in the face.. yelling.. frustrated.. and so mad that she was spitting while she talked.. when she had parked the car in front of the school to drop me off she just glared.. i had opened the door to get out and she said she wasnt picking me up from school and to take the bus home or to get my sister to take me.. she never said she loved me or bye or nothing.. just drove off.. i ran inside hiding my face behind my book as much as possible.. there were not that many kids at school yet.. i ran to my locker.. opened it up as fast as i could and just hid my face in my locker and sobbed.. as hard as i could but as quietly as i could.. wishing god could heal my family.. wish so bad god could take away all the pain within my body and my life.. just wishing this and that.. then.. in the end.. wishing i was dead.. that i just didnt have to live the pain anymore.. to never have to face another day like that again.. to never have to see the mothers face like that again.. to hear the words she was saying.. the hurt she was spouting off.. my heart litterly just sunk inside that locker.. i wished.. that i could just have crawled inside that locker and never have come out again or be found inside of there..

in the memory.. im not sure how long i stood there at my locker.. but one of my friends came down the hall.. saw me upset and just wrapper her arms around me.. when i had caught my breath we talked.. i told her what happened and how i was feeling.. she wanted me to see the nurse and talk to her.. but i was scared.. she held my hand and said she wouldnt leave me.. so hand in hand we went.. and she never left my side.. the nurse and i talked.. i was so nervous to talk to someone.. to tell someone about myself and what was going on.. the nurse just listened.. she calmed my fears down.. everything slowed down for me.. i was able to breath again and relax some.. someone was hearing me..

after we talked.. the nurse had me check in during the day and for the next few days.. then after that she would have me stop by from time to time just to sit and chat for a few.. ill never forget the friend who surrounded me with her caring arms in time of need.. nor will i never forget the wonderful nurse who showed such kindness from her heart and who took time out of her day to listen to me when i felt my life was in such a wreck.. im thankful i didnt try to end it that day and that i lived to share this story to share how much i appreciate them..

Peace, Love & Harmony to all..

K