writing to write..

i know i need to write.. cause i can tell its getting hard for me to "talk" or open up about things that are bothering me.. and talk about the thoughts that are there.. the emotions im feeling (i just want to go back and delete all this right now).. if i just close my eyes and let my fingers do the talking for me..

im hurting so deeply down inside.. the struggle i have with myself each day.. live or d*e.. live or d*e.. why must it be so hard to choose.. what in my life is hurting me so deeply that i would want to choose to d*e..

i try hard to picture myself.. when i do.. i see this woman.. sitting below a tree.. with the wind blowing hard against her and the tree.. and the tree swaying back and forth in the wind.. thrusting its branches and leaves.. the woman.. has her knees drawn up to her and her feet tucked tightly in place side by side to try to hold up against the wind.. her face is buried in her knees.. with her arms latched around her legs.. holding herself tightly..

her hair twisting and turning all about in the wind.. blowing hard against her face.. as she sits there.. her only thoughts are.. i want go home.. i just want to go home..

moving in closer to her.. a voice come to her an asks..

"Please don't be frightened Miss, but where does your home that your speak of be?"

without opening her eyes.. tears shed down her face in streams..

home means.. love.. not hurt..

home means.. happiness.. not sorrow..

home means.. cherished.. not forgotten..

home means.. family.. not rejected..

home means.. at peace.. no scattered..

home means.. sheltered.. not tossed aside..

home means.. to celebrate.. not silence..

home.. to me means to dream.. to have hope.. to soar high in the big beyond.. to never come down till this world safer, better and more loving place to be..

home to me is beyond to the stars.. dreaming.. soaring.. flying high..

home to me is flying to see all our loved ones who have gone on before us.. but our hearts were desperately grieving over..

if home of flying was to ever end.. then home to me....
home to me.. would be dy*ng..


~a true dreamer who misses flights of flying~

K