Update for us..

everything for us is going ok.. had T session here at the house this morning.. it all went ok for us.. lil one spent some of the first of session playing playdoh with our T.. and talking with her about things she needed to.. then i, myself spent a few moments with her before she needed to spend a little time with kat2..

i was glad to hear that her time with kat2 actually ended up going ok and helped.. we have been concerned about things going on with her.. before session was up our T and i once again reconnected and spoke about a few things..

we are a little low on food and since our community support provider wasnt working yesterday we were not able to make a trip to the grocery store.. so our T offered to take us later on today.. we are so thankful for our T.. shes always helping us out when we need her help on things.. and when in crisis or we need to hear a voice answering back to just say "im here" or "i do care".. shes there.. throughout our lives it was something we never had..

we never felt safe to open up and speak about anything to anyone.. its what we were taught.. to hold our mouths shut.. that our words were not worth hearing or worth being heard.. and that nobody in the world really cared to hear them.. we tried our best to hide ourselves from anyone and everyone.. so afraid if we ended up in front of someones path we would get physically tormented.. or worse..

within the last few years.. we have very very slowly been able to peek out and see some safeness in the world.. in small bits.. but then we would hear a gun shot up the street not far away and we would tuck ourselves away back within ourselves so deep inside and be too afraid to attempt to peek out again for another day or so.. especially the littles..

i know it sounds corny.. but so what.. we all have dreams.. you want to know what mine, Kat, is.. is to fly.. to one day be able to just lift my hands and arms up and take off in flight.. and soar high above everything.. i use to have so many dreams with me flying in them.. i was so happy.. so much at ease.. and sooooo peaceful.. in my dreams i would take people with me.. all i had to do was just touch their hand and then they would be able to lift off the ground and fly too.. we would be so light hearted inside, content and both have such joy there was so room for any type of pain at all..

then.. after my best friend passed away in 2004, the dreams completely stopped.. never had another one.. and i miss them so much.. i miss the happiness i had in them.. the peace.. i miss my friend too.. i use to call her "ladybug".. whats so neat now a days.. is when im real down.. depressed.. and even scared about something.. its weird.. a ladybug will show up our my house.. or will fly on our clothes outside.. or ill see one somewhere and it will remind me that she is around.. shes with me.. then i dont feel so alone.. it really touches me..

anyway.. i know im a strange one.. but at least i live in a System with other strange ones.. lol..

well.. better go for now.. over and out..

K n all