today was such a horrible day.. i almost wish i had not woken up for it.. i got my first taste today of how it feels to be discriminated against.. its sad and it hurts very deeply.. because we live a life of multiplicity we are not able to be treated at some hospitals.. to me "we are not more less welcome there".. not even given the chance to see if they could of helped us or not.. they shut the doors on us before they were even willing to try.. this brought up so much stuff from our past.. feelings of rejection and feelings that we didnt matter to people.. words the mother use to say.. like "you will never amount to anything".. and more.. why is it so hard for people to open their eyes and open their minds and learn about DID/MPD rather than to gawk at us, make fun of us and not want to know.. wouldnt it be so much easier for them to want to learn and have knowledge how to handle situations and how to deal with people with different illness.. we are totally crushed by all of this.. shock first shot through us when we were told.. then overwhelming horror.. anger came flooding through on how society these days looks at people with mental illness and it just saddened me.. i couldnt help but break down and just sob..
in the past we were forced to live our life in shame.. then growing into our adulthood we were able to let go of some of that.. today.. we were slammed face down back into that shame once more.. it breaks my heart to feel ashamed that i live a life with mental illness that i have no control over.. but even more.. that people continually stomp on our hearts and wings that we so try to spread and grow to fly on our own.. we all just wonder.. what will it take to be accepted and loved like everyone else.. dont we count and matter too?
heartbroken,
K
Your pain and sadness comes through so clearly in this post. It saddens and angers me that there is still so much misunderstanding and (I sometimes think), just plain deliberate ignorance of DID.
ReplyDeleteBlogs like yours and mine and all the others out there help educate the public on what it's like living in multiplicity. The more we share our reality the more we help demystify the reality of living as a multiple in a world geared towards singletons.
so true beautiful dreamer.. how else will they understand.. but what can we do if they continue to not want to know.. sadly even hospital professionals.. you would think people in those types of job areas would want to learn more about DID/MPD and knowledge themselves on it.. its just so sad.. and only ends up hurting us who live with it..
ReplyDeletethank you for commenting.. im glad you did.. what happened really opened my eyes but sadly it has crushed out hearts.. we have now lost so much faith and hope in people that we once had out there.. just feel so fooled..
K n all (Dreaming2Fly)